Criticism hurts, doesn’t it?
I think that it especially hurts when people say, “Don’t take it personally…”
Because it is personal.
Criticism is most often personal.
What do you do when you feel like you have been criticized unfairly? What do you do when people judge your motives, your heart and your intentions?
What do you do?
There are so many times in life when I am just left reeling by what I perceive to be unfair judgment. My mouth is dry … my heart begins to beat faster … and there is a general sinking feeling in my stomach.
What did I do to deserve this?!!
Now – I will be the first to admit that there have been many, many moments in life that I deserved a swift kick in the pants … a raised eyebrow … or a stern talking to. There have been times when I was thoughtless, unkind and quick to spout an unnecessary opinion when a friend or family member had the absolute right to put me in my place.
In those moments – I deserved criticism. I deserved a reaction. I deserved what was given.
But there are other times in life when I am left with a dropped jaw concerning the negative assessment that was aimed in my direction.
Come on … has anyone else ever felt this way?!
Don’t leave me standing here all alone as the cruel arrows of commentary fly viciously in my unsuspecting direction!!
In case you were wondering, I have decided that when I am chastised for what I believe to be an unfair reason, that there are four things I can do to speed the healing process in my soul.
Would you like to hear the miraculous treatment for the ugly wound that an improper reprimand causes?
First of all – forgive quickly and fully.
Don’t try to understand their unwarranted verbal sideswipe or try to defend the issues in your heart. Just forgive the one who critiques.
Quickly. Fully. Completely.
Let. It. Go.
Life is too short to hang onto fictitious and mistaken commentary. So, rather than lose sleep over the bad review, it would be a wise choice to send the momentary bitterness quickly away from the address of your heart. Don’t let bitterness or blame anywhere even close to the boundaries of your life.
Put up a “No Trespassing Allowed” sign at the entrance to your heart and make sure that any residual bitterness and spiteful blame walks the other direction.
Secondly – find a way to bless the person who has reprimanded you.
You might choose to say something kind to them or about them even though you would rather not do so.
Your application of this healing remedy might include sending a small gift, an encouraging card or a bouquet of flowers.
How wonderful it would be to invite the person out for coffee or for lunch and pick up the bill!
There are times in life when we just need to act like Jesus even though we don’t feel like it.
There are moments in life that call for kindness when everything within would rather give the cold shoulder.
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” – Colossians 3:12 & 13
It has always been so interesting to me that Paul, through the unction of the Holy Spirit in these verses, said that believers in Jesus Christ should “put on” a heart of compassion.
Kindness is always in style … it always fits … it is always appropriate for any kind of relationship weather.
So put it on. Put on kindness.
The third thing that I do … and honestly perhaps it should be the first thing … is that I pray for the person and for the situation. I pray for understanding and for blessing all around.
In that moment of honest human pain, I pray that the difficult event would not cause an irreparable break in our relationship. I ask Jesus to give me His heart of love for the person who reprehended me.
And sometimes, when appropriate, I pray that the Lord would give me the opportunity to share from a loving heart concerning how perhaps we can handle these situations in the future.
I humbly ask the Lord that if it is His will that He might give me the opportunity to share truth and insight from my very fallible yet honest heart with the person who has criticized me. And then I wait.
I don’t make it happen on my own but wait for Him to open the door in His time.
And finally, would you like to know the fourth thing that I do when I feel that I have been criticized unfairly?
I resolve in my heart never to treat someone else that way.
I determine that even when people say things that I don’t understand or may not agree with me that I will be compassionate enough to give them that universal gift known as “the benefit of the doubt”.
I determine that the words that I speak will be perpetually kind and that when I find it necessary to have a heart to heart conversation with a friend over a difficult issue, that my words will still be kind.
I decide that when life is hard and that when emotions are flowing and when opinions are opposing that I will listen before I speak and that I will only respond … I will never react.
Forgive … bless … pray … be kind.
It sounds like a blueprint for life to me, how about you?!
Thanks for listening to my heart this week. As you know by now, my heart is truly not a perfect heart but it is a heart that is filled to overflowing with gratitude for the life I have been given and for the people who walk with me. And, it continues to be a heart that is relentlessly chasing after God and all that He is!